Yesterday, Supersoldier and I completed our last visit with our social worker for our adoption home study. (The last time we initiated a home study, I scientifically chose our social worker based on the number of smiley faces she used in her email response. Supersoldier responded to my very thorough social worker research by signing us up for LifeLock.)
We aren’t actually in the middle of an adoption. In fact, we are still praying about whether God is calling us, in the middle of this chaotic military life, to adopt another superhero-in-waiting or not. But we DO know that, with his incredibly demanding military schedule, Supersoldier is only home for a few consecutive months of every year. When he returned from his last business trip, we decided we wanted to use this at-home time to complete a home study so that, if God would give us the privilege of parenting another one of these energetic angels, we could logistically say YES.
Without a home study in place (or a soldier AT home to COMPLETE one), our answer, no matter our desire or passion, would likely have to be no.
We’ve used that word way too many times in the last year. When our friend’s foster brother was left without a family in China. When a 4-year-old little boy with Superhero 3’s same conditions stared at us with deep black-brown eyes through a computer screen from the other side of the world. Every time I run across a child in my orphan advocacy circles who just needs a home in a family who can provide medical care. (Hello, funded military healthcare and a live-in PA who keeps his first aid kit in a toolbox and thinks it’s normal.)
We’ve missed out on opportunities that have broken our hearts. And after feeling so many times like we SHOULD have moved or COULD have acted “if only” we had a home study or completed background checks, we’ve decided enough is enough.
So although we don’t know yet if we are saying yes to ADOPTION, we HAVE decided to say yes to God – to be available for WHATEVER it is that He might have for our family, no matter what that looks like this year.
(And I mean, really, can you think of anything more romantic than obtaining FBI fingerprints, filing for certified copies of marriage licenses, rehashing your entire life history and completing questionnaires like your life depended on it? The more words, the more fun! :) It’s like a big, ‘ole party up in here. Especially for the introvert who just sweated through his entire one-on-one interview because he had to spend a whole hour discussing his feelings with a social worker he has only met three times.)
Maybe “whatever” that is is another child. (Oh, Jesus, PLEASE let this be the case. The sweet faces of the orphans we left behind in China haunt my dreams. Their stories break my heart. And although walking into this house full of crazy may not even be a step up from orphanage life, it would be a step up from street life, which is where most Chinese orphans go after their 14th birthday. We have SO MUCH MORE [sloppy, imperfect, not-always-executed-well] love to give! It would be the honor of our lives to cherish another superhero-in-waiting. And besides that, all three superheroes in our home are begging for a fourth child who can even out the Nerf gun war teams. We have priorities.)
Or maybe “whatever” is learning to say YES. Learning to be available. Learning to put my plans and my trust in my GOD instead of my big family desires or my color-coded CALENDAR. Even when it costs something — my money. My time. My sanity as I complete child abuse and neglect reports in every state where we have lived since turning 18 (thank you, military life, for the gift of eight addresses in 12 years).
To giving up my control freak grip on life and living with an OPEN HAND and an OPEN HEART.
So that if God calls, or if He doesn’t, I can joyfully, cheerfully and completely say YES.
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’" ~ Isaiah 6:8